So no desks to share this week, in its place, I will share a picture or two instead, I hope you all don't mind?
I am writing this post on Tuesday and have it scheduled as I normally do (as long as I remember its Wednesday) and to think I Teach IT ha ha and forget the days of the week.
So, the elephant in the room is well, the elephant in the room isn't it?
~
A part of the process when someone with such a complex history as our Shaz who was undergoing treatment even if palliative towards the end which is what the last chemo was.
None of us know if this will help give us closure but what we did know is it needed to take place.
On a personal note I was unsure if I was going to be back to square one with all the what-ifs all over again?
The paperwork that the coroner's office sent out about a week of Sharon's passing included some stressful content to go through, time lines to remember to be able to build a picture, details to re-live, questions and concerns to raise etc all of which I did parallel to arranging Sharon's funeral only to be told that it will only be to decide on some very specific outcomes.
This is not me fishing for virtual hugs, I am sure you all know me better than that, it really is just the fact of the matter x
So the inquest is set out to ascertain the following
Who
Where
When
Why (this is the only part they were undecided on)
But that is all done now,
Sharon's passing is registered as a complication of the treatment she was receiving, sepsis, which was brought about as a side effect of chemotherapy for her now very aggressive cancer, it was explained far more elegantly than that.
Cancer is a natural occurrence, a mutation that occurs when cells replicate some are more aggressive than others as was the case with Sharon's, at the end there was simply no treatment that could cure or slow it down, slowly at first but then rather rapidly towards the end it took over until it won.
Anyway let's lighten the mood with a gratuitous picture of our Shaz doing something else she loved, Road trips and Coffee, taken in 2015 on one of our road trips, this was taken in Margate
By the time you see this, this chapter will be behind us, and we all need to try to move on,
That is how it is supposed to work right?
I came out of the inquest with very mixed emotions, wounds that had started to heal, while now a little smaller had just had the scab ripped back off, so I am kind off broken again!
Baby steps Doug,
Baby steps
Changing the subject now
The garden is now clear, not quite the blank canvas yet, but with the help of my brother Rob who popped round on Sunday it is very almost there.
Saturday I felt rough, guessing it was either the Covid jab from the day before or I have been overdoing it a weeeeee bit ripping the ivy down on Friday right after getting stabbed in the arm, possibly the later or maybe a combination of the two?
I am so not used to this manual labour malarkey!
After all, the heaviest thing someone working in IT lifts up is a piece of hardware or their cup of coffee.
So I have some fence panels to repair and some more rubbish to move, the rubble in the foreground will be eaten up by the concrete base and footings, this week will mainly the the design/planning time and no doubt a lot of reflection.
I even came across some pictures from back in 2004 from when that part of the garden looked really nice, we were younger and fitter back then, we kind of all were ha ha
So that was more of a WOYPW - What’s On Your Plate Wednesday which sounds more like a Facebook post showing off the meal you are about to eat than anything craft related, but, I digress again.
So for the real thing head over to our
Julia's Stamping
ground and share yours for What's On Your Workdesk Wednesday
Which just leaves... and finally...
20 comments:
I didn't realise there was going to be an inquest, but at least it is done and you can start (again) to come through the grieving. the work on the garden is staggering - go you!! Don't work too hard now! Helen #'4
Fabulous photo of a fabulous woman, Doug. Glad that you are finding solace in working in the garden and looking forward to seeing what you create. Baby steps each day and remember it’s ok if some of them are backwards or you fall down and have a good weep. 💕
Oh dear. Good to have an answer, even a mostly expected one, rather than some shocking new more painful info, but hard to have to have all the pain bubble up to the surface again. Hopefully all the garden work will help - it is looking fabulous! It will be fun to see it develop so be sure to keep us posted.
ATC backs for the 12th to download on my blog :) Will you be joining in and flexing your crafty wings a bit?
Mary Anne (1)
Ah Doug, what a tough week it’s been again. My BiLs inquest was difficult and painful but revealed something to a wider audience that my sister and I had been sure of, he would have died from the aggressive and fast cancer for sure, but he actually died as a easily of an undiagnosed chest infection which caused sepsis and a heart attack. Inquests aren’t good places to be when you think you might be just about to start a bit of healing. I feel for you. And possibly understand why all this physical work is being undertaken, it’s a huge and painful distraction! Glad you’ve had your jab. My arm was very sore and I did a boxercise class (don’t ask or envision) and it early helped get rid of the muscle tension, so I’d have thought that true ripping ivy scenario would work the same way. Just shows how different we all are...bet really your ar m was just begging for some rest!
As Julia said, tough week Doug, but we’ll done on facing it full on. You can be proud of yourself.
You’re working through things and will have something wonderful to show at the end of it. I think we could have been ripping ivy down in tandem as I was doing the same at the weekend. Not the easiest if tasks but now I’ve got a lovely dry stone wall uncovered.
Be kind to yourself.
Lynn xx 13
Shaz's lovely smile always makes me smile too - such a beautiful face with twinkly eyes. I guess the inquest only confirmed your thoughts but of course it is painful to go through. It moves you on to a step in the right direction -another hurdle climbed and survived Doug. Stay strong and keep going with that garden project - it will be such a lovely spot to spend quality time when you have finished it. xx Jo
Been thinking of you my friend. It's never an easy thing to go through and you've been amazing so keep it up....you know where we are if your need us any time. The garden is looking amazing and is the best of therapy to keep you busy....just think of the muscles you are building ;-)
Hugs,
Annie x #11
It can’t have been easy having to go through it all again for the inquest Doug, I think you’re right in saying Baby steps, there is no proper length of time to heal after something like this, only what it right for you. I guess a crumb of comfort is that there really wasn’t anything else you could do for Shaz, you were an amazing support for her. I found crafting good to help after my parents’ passing, I guess the physical work is good to relieve your stress - I’m glad you’ve got help though!
Take care and go easy on yourself
Jan xxx
I had no idea there would be an inquest. Sometimes they help us move on and sometimes they bring up more issues so I'm glad that there were no unexpected "if only's". Sore jab arm here too and feeling very flakey so I certainly won't be undertaking any heavy gardening work! Stay safe and keep smiling, Lisa-Jane #5
Fancy there being an inquest, that must have been very stressful but you have got pasted it. Are you going to landscspe the garden, start anew?? Or is that a silly question! I love a bigger garden! We only have a little garden that was over grown when we moved in, decades ago, I do the garden, hubby does the cooking! Lovely pictures thank you for sharing, keep taking little steps. Stay Safe, Happy WOYWW!? ((Lyn))#8
Thanks Doug for sharing your updates. Love the photos. Have had 2 close classmates, lose their husbands within the past 2 wks. It's hard, your life will never be the same, it's adjusting to doing what makes you feel content, finding support, energy, and knowing that Shaz is always one step beside. May you find solace in those baby steps.
Hi Doug, another hurdle to jump over, and one bound to cause pain. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
The photo is so lovely, thanks for sharing it, Kate x
I hope now that,s over you can start to think about the future. Looks like you're keeping busy which is good. Have a lovely creative woyww, Angela x14x
I had a Post Mortem for Peter. Although he died right beside me, I needed to know why. The Coroner rang me to ask, again, what happened and then said that made sense with her findings. It has made it a little easier, but the pain and all its associates are still there. It's the knowing he wont be coming home that's the worst....
Keep doing what you're doing in the garden, I find work is the only way I can stop thinking so that the pain is easy for a while.
Much love to you.
Christine #20
@Christine
I understand how you feel, I was so glad Sharon didn't need a post mortem, the thought she would need to go under the knife weighed heavy on me as she had been through enough operations already.
It is hard to move on I will be honest and say I still haven't accepted the fact that I will never be able to hug her again, or hold her hand, I still say good morning to her and tell her how my day has been and say good night to her.
It is not the living on my own that concerns me, I can deal with that. I feel that such a huge part of me has been taken away, a part I know I will never get back.
It is those Baby steps again, not only for for us both, but for every one that has lost a loved one.
x
Doug, You sure have had a ruff week but as you said baby steps, I feel for you and know some of what you are going through as lost my dear hubby 6 years ago, its get easier as the time goes by, sending hugs
Lilian B #10
Sorry that the inquest has brought everything back to the surface Doug. Such a great picture of SHaz and I bet she appreciated the artwork on the top of the drinks. The garden is looking great - it is normal to feel tired after the jab so that probably combined with all the work you did to make you feel even rougher. I would love to see how the garden used to look. It's always good to see a before, during and after picture. Stay safe and Happy WOYWW. Sarah #3
It's very distressing having to go through an inquest when the cause of death is quite clear. This seems to be the way things are done these days. We had to have one for Mum and I couldn't understand the reason why at all - she was 96 and had a chest infection which carried her off, which is a very common cause of death among the elderly. I am so sorry you've had to go through all that and have the wounds so brutally opened again, Doug.
Such a lovely photo of Shaz, and what beautifully decorated cups of coffee too! You have done an amazing amount of clearing in the garden, and yes please, I would absolutely love to see some photos of how it used to look in happier times.
Shoshi x #18
So sorry to hear that you now had to go through an inquest...
Lovely picture of Shaz - I liked the coffee beans on the coffee - and your 'and finally' really made me giggle!
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