A warm welcome to all my visitors,

Thank you for taking the time to come and look at my blog, I really do appreciate it. I would love you to leave me a comment, even if it’s just to say Hi. It means I can come visit you!

All my designs are original, so copyrighted to me. If I have been inspired by someone elses work, I have named them in the post, and where able, I have provided a link.

Please feel free to use my designs for inspiration, I just ask you to credit me, and provide a link back to my blog.

Thanks, Shaz XX

Thursday, 4 August 2022

Follow up post

This actually started as a reply to a few comments on my last blog post and got too long ha ha 


I have found that I am fairly good at looking at situations objectively, and I find writing quite therapeutic, a way of making sense of what, how and why I am feeling. 

As some of you may remember, I have done this before on my own blog, which, I have neglected somewhat, as I have not gone back since Sharon's op.

So to address the question of grief counselling and if I need it?

I have gone past the blame stage, it really did not take that long if I am honest as there really wasn't any blame that could be portioned (I initially felt robbed of that), but then I have never been one to lash out, I am far too logical for that nonsense, as you only hurt those that have only your best interests at heart.

I do of course feel robbed of future time that 'WE' will never have, I would be lying if I said that this does not cut deep.

The way that I deal with them is by reflecting on all the times we had, and I find myself immensely proud of the time we had together, blessed at how magical our time was, just to be clear, I am not religious, so please do not take the term 'blessed' out of context, it is the only word that fits the bill, I am also proud of our collective and personal achievements during the many years we have shared.

I no longer feel saddened by the photos that pop up on the many connected devices; phone, PC and Amazon show, instead, I am reminded by the times from the images, don't get me wrong, I still have those pangs of longing to relive them, but, I know I have lived them once before, and this makes me smile.

I also have to apologize for missing the post about the crop, I am going to try and call in, it will be a massive diversion, so I will play it by ear, but know that I want to be there if only for a fleeting visit via a massive detour.


On the same day, my siblings and I are participating for the first time (a new-new) in the annual 'ride the wall' where bikers participate in an organized motorcycle ride to the national memorial arboretum.
I also have bought tickets that clash with that for a 2-day music festival in Wolverhampton at KK's steel mill, which begins at 1pm both days.


I am making plans for future concerts and festivals, and I feel I am making strides, 

Back to the question and the point of the post;

I am not sure as to what I will benefit from it, that is not me being a bloke, it is me being honest, I have searched all over the net on grief forums, and looked at how others have been coping and the advice given was at best vague, the takeaway from my searches Annie has summed up, and yes another visit is overdue x.
Grieving takes its time Doug so just go with the flow and do what you need to do to get through it....you will get there because you are strong
 
This is precisely what I have been doing, my focus changes depending on what I need at the time, at this time of year I have so many holiday reminders from times past, so the need to get out and explore new scenery is still there, but, I am so not ready for a holiday yet.

Festivals strike the best balance, I am surrounded by bands whose music has helped me drown out the silence of a now empty house, and I am discovering many new bands and friends in the process.

With all of the above said, if I feel like things are beginning to get to me again, then yes, I will of course reach out x

Wednesday, 27 July 2022

WOYWW 686 - Time for a catch-up

So it's been a little while since I posted on the blog, I am really conflicted when I do as I feel I am diluting down Sharon's amazing crafting posts, and in return making her informative content harder to find as a result.

Especially as I am not sharing crafting content, my posts are more of a journal entry if that makes sense? (yes, I know I am overthinking it) 

Anyway, with that said;
I owe it to those of you that are not on social media, a catchup of sorts to show that I am doing 'OK', and what I have been up to.

Picture heavy post incoming

Let's just say I am doing better than I was, but I am still not 'me', I am on a journey trying to discover who I am, I am not going to lie it is scary.


Anyway, this is not going to be one of 'Those' feel sorry for the 'widower' posts.
  

OO the planter, check this out :) 


'Apparently'

I do dirt now, it looked happy until we had that heatwave, I have had to cut it back a bit since this picture.


I have had a fair few low points, mental health wise, I am sure that is to be expected, so, I am busying myself with concerts as I battle through it.

Music keeps me sane, numbs the pain a little for a while, it is my 'escape', I know that without it, I would not still be here.

And so, I have attended some concerts & festivals, a fair few of them in fact, some with my awesome siblings, others on my own, I also have a fair few lined up for the coming months and into next year too.


Stone broken & The Fallen State concert


Younger bro Rob




Breaking bands' festival - Stoke Prior (Bike and Car)


My little brother Tim and beautiful niece Olivia




Download festival - Donnington park


Little sister Ellen, me, the youngest bro Tim, sister-in-law Jen & younger brother Rob



Hammer and Tong festival, Sheffield (proper out-out on the bike)


Annabelle, the lead singer from the band Circus66




Rock stock - Rock against cancer - Victoria bikers pub, other side of Leicester (Bike)

 

My little bro Tim kicking my ass big time at pool between sets.....big time (Hustler) 



A really close friend's 50th birthday party was held at his house a couple of weeks back, this was harder than I thought it would be, the last time the group gathered was a barbecue this gathering had not been back together since before lockdown, so I felt out of place and completely 'lost' without Shaz by my side. 
It really is bizarre, just exactly how lonely you feel surrounded by your closest friends, it is hard to describe.


This weekend just gone (24/07/2022), I organized for the siblings with motorcycles to do Biker Down Training at the Henley in Arden fire station, that is me on the right, my younger brother Rob to my left (centre), and my youngest brother and his Girlfriend Amanda on the far left.



The training was a short course on how to deal with a bike accident if you come across one, or involved in one, it is not a first aid course, it is how to deal with the scene itself. 

A First aid course will follow as well as advanced motorcycle training is on the cards.

Yes, I have tied my hair back, OMFG is it a nightmare to get knots out when your hair has been flapping around at 70mph for a while, ask me how I know.

So that was my extremely late and extremely picture heavy check in, head over to our Julia's at the stamping ground and check in on actual crafting being done.

My and finally was a gift from one of my students, and it is on a desk ha ha ...

Wednesday, 20 April 2022

WOYWW 672 - May have finished a thing....

WARNING picture heavy post below ;)

 ok, so this is desk related this time, and only because I was sat at it while designing the front garden.


To the right is an old picture of before 



As many of you may remember, the front garden (still don't like to use my) was ripped out at the start of this year ready to store the motorbike, and due to the not finding the brick I liked and the cost (OMG) it had to wait for both price and availability.


 So let's start with requirements, first off I had to have plants again so, I had to have a planter, a wide sweeping entrance to swing the bike around on, and of course somewhere to charge the motorbikes' battery.

And this is what I came up with...

The plan for front garden



Materials collected
Last week with the help of my youngest brother (Tim) we collected all the required materials that were going to be needed (one tonne of sharp sand, half a tonne of  building, 4 bags of cement, 350 bricks, 9m2 of blocks)



 Thanks bro, love you loads 👍





Then my younger brother (Rob) and I spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday (mainly Rob as I don't have a clue when it comes to block pathing) set to work to transform the old front garden into the above image.

Friday 15/04



Today we ripped out the last of the old wall and installed new footings, start the many tip runs to remove rubbish (like the old wall) etc








It was then time to start erecting the new wall and plan on cable runs for the internet, and where the planter was going.



Saturday 16/04










Today saw the wall be finished




By the end of play, the wall was finished and all but two pieces of coping had been installed, the Virgin Media cables had also been re-buried in conduit.




Sunday 17/04 

Today was all about the grading and levelling and block pathing, the installation of the bike anchor  and of course the planters final shape.








This went down faster than I expected to be honest, mind you my brother had done it for over 20 years and had his own business until the toll on your health (back and hands) became too much.





By the end of play it was all down, including the cut-outs for the air vents (cus the house needs to breath) and all the remaining blocks and rubbish moved.





Monday 18/04 
So now it was down to me to finish up as the previous few days were all about my brother Rob and his amazing work in the block pathing and brick work.



So first up due to the time of the morning was to and plants to the new planter and water them in, the plants are a mixture of ones I have moved from the front back in January, and some new.

Fuchsias, and trailing plants are reused, new additions is a rose called 'at peace' (not going to lie, I had a moment in BNQ when I saw and realized had to buy it, another when I planted it) it has always had flowers and planters in all the years we lived here for, and for a second thing, the off-white flowers will contrast nicely not only with the fuchsias but also with the other flowers I added Pinks and carnations, both of which were Sharon's favourite flowers, I also some pansies and other annuals.





Then it was on to job 2, the painting  and Job 3 the outdoor (Wi-Fi because I can, and it makes sense) power outlet and re collect my bike.




So that was my Easter weekend and with the enormous help of my siblings the front garden is now done, I am going to add another planter to the right-hand wall but one that is movable as we always had one there and I think it needs more flowers.

So that's my picture heavy catchup, head over to our Julia's at the stamping ground and check in on actual crafting being done.


Shaz and a Wolf cus why not :)





And finally....

Wednesday, 23 March 2022

WOYWW 668 - A not so quick catch up

Only a mini update (yeah right, grab a packed lunch and an extra cushion), well it's been a month since I posted,

Wait!
 Why does this sound like a confessional?

Anyway it just would not feel right not posting, as on Saturday 19th March we have just had the first anniversary of our beloved Sharon's funeral, the day (like it or not) we laid to rest my soulmate Shaz silverwolf, enabler extraordinaire, and the one person guaranteed to have an answer to any question you have or, may not have considered asking.

I had been toying with ideas on what to do to mark the occasion, possibly another meal like I had done the month before that marked the anniversary of Sharon's passing.

Below is a picture taken after the aforementioned meal 
Taken 13/02/2022

Back row right to left.

Matt -  my brother-in-law (Sharon's sister, Karina's better half)
Ant - my stepson & Sharon's eldest (green beard)
Royston - my older brother 
Steve - my brother-in-law (my little sisters' hubby)
Mandi - my sister-in-law (Royston's wife)
Tim - my youngest brother 
Ellen - my little sister
Rob - my younger brother 
Me  -  aka the Hublet 😄
Rebecca - sister-in-law (Ant's wife)
Mikey - stepson (Sharon's youngest) Green beard (it is a thing)
Donna - Mikey's girlfriend

Front row
Dot - mother-in-law (Sharon's mom)
Karina - sister-in-law (Sharon's little sister)
Louisa - Stepdaughter (Sharon's little girl)
Jess - my granddaughter (Louisa's Daughter)
Sue - my mother
Roy - my moms boyfriend


But then I came across a last-ride that I felt I just had to participate in, this was for a young girl that passed at just the age of 3, she was born with down syndrome and anyone that has every known anyone with DS will know how loving and giving they are, and, just how much joy they bring to a household.


Daisy or little Duck as she was affectionately known as, was the daughter of west Mercia police colleagues Paul and Sarah Severn, Paul's brother (Matt) reached out to some bike clubs in the hope that they could put together a last ride to escort the hearse to 'the Vale crematory' in Pershore (a stunning crem) and helped organize the ride. I felt I had to go, how could I not? I have explained previously as to how I feel about participating in last rides, that it helps me feel like I am making a difference, I suppose we all feel this way, every one of us that goes out of our way to try and lessen the pain for someone else. Having mentioned this to my youngest brother, he too wanted to come along, this was his first last ride. Being the nerd that I am I captured the ride on camera (a GoPro) so that I could share it with the family, so the desk that I share is actually my desk, or more specifically the project that I have been working on as a result of the ride.

The result of that work is the video below, in the video my little brother can be seen leading the way as to the rally point where we meet the rest of the riders, and get a feel for just how big this ride was going to be.

Be warned the entire ride was 1.5 hours of footage, this through the magic and witchcraft that is editing the video is now a little shy of 26 minutes.

I did something I have never done before at one of these, and that was staying for part of the ceremony, to learn a little about Daisy, while I don't regret staying as it was broadcast outside, it was hard, really, really hard, but not something I regret.

On an equally memorable, and in so many ways more personal note

While typing this up today, I received a message from Greg the bass player from one of my all-time favourite bands 'The fallen State', this is the band that dedicated the song 'Nova' to Shaz at a previous concert.

Well, they have a new album that drops on Friday called Between Hope & Disillusion, and well, check out the text on the inside cover x
The fallen State

Suffice to say, I got choked up on it, and still am, what an amazing sentiment thank you guys x

So that's my not so quick catchup, head over to our Julia's at the stamping ground and check in on actual crafting being done.

A blog post is not the same without a picture of  The bird...



And finally...






Sunday, 13 February 2022

How has it been a year?

First off I want to thank you all for the cards, your messages of both support and encouragement and I would like to apologise for the lack of replies &, thank yous, I could say I have been busy, but that would simply not be the whole truth although to a degree I have been.


In all honesty for the most part, that has not really been the truth, since Christmas, I felt lost and numb, going through the motions, and a lack of motivation.

I think in part it was the dread of this month we now find ourselves in, and what it means, as some of you had previously read, the weeks from Christmas onwards until now last year where simply hell.

So I don't think it has been any surprise, (least of all to me) that the lead up to today has been looming on the horizon like a dark cloud, edging its way ever closer.

While I was always of course going to find myself reflecting on the days leading up to Sharon's hospitalisation, the horrible days, the painful days, those I am sure will dull with more time.

Having moments of reflection has not been all bad,  the last chats we had had, the meals I cooked for her  (she went on an omelette phase) and then believe it or not, the last thing Sharon insisted on the night before  she went into hospital was a Whites lemonade ice lolly, she lay in bed with it and wore more than she ate as it was melting and dropping off, she gave me 'that look' for finding it amusing ha ha
 
It is not like I am going out of my way to remember these things, they are flooding to the surface, in resounding waves.


Too many words not enough pictures,
 Crete 2015 pre op holiday
Crete 2015



I was sure that Thursday 9th February would have broken me, as it was going to mark the day that I had no choice but to call the ambulance again, but this time, unbeknown to me, it would be the last.
But, do you know what? 
Surprisingly it did not, in part I know that Sharon stayed here at home with me for as long as we could really allow, this I know, I also know that there was nothing more that, I or the medical profession could do, other than to make her final days as pain free and as comfortable as possible surrounded by her loved ones. 
Please note, I write this a little selfishly as much for more own benefit as yours x x

But more often than not I find my mind (when I allow it to be) is pulled to happier times, for us we were fortunate in being so 'in tune', the only dark days were cancer related, there was no real no arguments, that does not mean one of us was more dominant that the other, but more of how truly in sync we were.

  You all have seen us together, that was no act, that was 24/7 - 365 so I have no end of pleasant memories of moments filled with more love that you could pack into a cheesy Hollywood or hallmark movie, and all the 'firsts' as we called them, new places we both visited, new places to eat, new experiences 'firsts'.

I am waffling again aren't I?
Anyway

We all remember Sharon for different reasons, for me at least,  it is for her eyes and the way her smile began inside of  them, the way she would look at me brings me comfort and always will.


We truly were genuinely lucky to have found each other.

The love on Sharon's face comforts me


Lunch time today I have arranged for a meal for the family, this way nobody needs to spend it alone should they not wish to be, this is at the same pub we had our post wedding/pre wedding reception meal at, it felt only fitting, although time will tell how I feel on the today.
Tears is just salt water, so I am sure it will add to the flavour of my dinner?


Yesterday I spent creating a video tribute of pictures and video footage that most of you have never seen, the backing song is one from 'Bon Jovi' that goes by the name of  'always' the reason will become obvious at a point in the video if you watch it, it is uploaded as an unlisted video on Youtube x




I have also booked the tomorrow off  work, I had contemplated booking the 9th & 10th off  but it has helped keep me focused on something other than my thoughts.




Take the time to hug each other, tell  your loved ones what they mean to you and remember, be like Shaz....use gratuitous amounts of glitter in all that you create.


An End of an era

An end of an era

I write this with a broken heart, that only time can heal My beautiful, wonderful wifelet Shaz (Silverwolf) passed away peacefully in the ea...