WOYWW 668 - A not so quick catch up

Only a mini update (yeah right, grab a packed lunch and an extra cushion), well it's been a month since I posted,

Wait!
 Why does this sound like a confessional?

Anyway it just would not feel right not posting, as on Saturday 19th March we have just had the first anniversary of our beloved Sharon's funeral, the day (like it or not) we laid to rest my soulmate Shaz silverwolf, enabler extraordinaire, and the one person guaranteed to have an answer to any question you have or, may not have considered asking.

I had been toying with ideas on what to do to mark the occasion, possibly another meal like I had done the month before that marked the anniversary of Sharon's passing.

Below is a picture taken after the aforementioned meal 

Back row right to left.
Matt -  my brother-in-law (Sharon's sister, Karina's better half)
Ant - my stepson & Sharon's eldest (green beard)
Royston - my older brother 
Steve - my brother-in-law (my little sisters' hubby)
Mandi - my sister-in-law (Royston's wife)
Tim - my youngest brother 
Ellen - my little sister
Rob - my younger brother 
Me  -  aka the Hublet 😄
Rebecca - sister-in-law (Ant's wife)

Mikey - stepson (Sharon's youngest) Green beard (it is a thing)
Donna - Mikey's girlfriend

Front row
Dot - mother-in-law (Sharon's mom)
Karina - sister-in-law (Sharon's little sister)
Louisa - Stepdaughter (Sharon's little girl)

Jess - my granddaughter (Louisa's Daughter)

Sue - my mother

Roy - my moms boyfriend


But then I came across a last-ride that I felt I just had to participate in, this was for a young girl that passed at just the age of 3, she was born with down syndrome and anyone that has every known anyone with DS will know how loving and giving they are, and, just how much joy they bring to a household.

Daisy or little Duck as she was affectionately known as, was the daughter of west Mercia police colleagues Paul and Sarah Severn, Paul's brother (Matt) reached out to some bike clubs in the hope that they could put together a last ride to escort the hearse to 'the Vale crematory' in Pershore (a stunning crem) and helped organize the ride. I felt I had to go, how could I not? I have explained previously as to how I feel about participating in last rides, that it helps me feel like I am making a difference, I suppose we all feel this way, every one of us that goes out of our way to try and lessen the pain for someone else. Having mentioned this to my youngest brother, he too wanted to come along, this was his first last ride. Being the nerd that I am I captured the ride on camera (a GoPro) so that I could share it with the family, so the desk that I share is actually my desk, or more specifically the project that I have been working on as a result of the ride.

The result of that work is the video below, in the video my little brother can be seen leading the way as to the rally point where we meet the rest of the riders, and get a feel for just how big this ride was going to be.
Be warned the entire ride was 1.5 hours of footage, this through the magic and witchcraft that is editing the video is now a little shy of 26 minutes.

I did something I have never done before at one of these, and that was staying for part of the ceremony, to learn a little about Daisy, while I don't regret staying as it was broadcast outside, it was hard, really, really hard, but not something I regret.

On an equally memorable, and in so many ways more personal note

While typing this up today, I received a message from Greg the bass player from one of my all-time favourite bands 'The fallen State', this is the band that dedicated the song 'Nova' to Shaz at a previous concert.

Well, they have a new album that drops on Friday called Between Hope & Disillusion, and well, check out the text on the inside cover x

Suffice to say, I got choked up on it, and still am, what an amazing sentiment thank you guys x

So that's my not so quick catchup, head over to our Julia's at the stamping ground and check in on actual crafting being done.

A blog post is not the same without a picture of  The bird...

And finally...

How has it been a year?

First off I want to thank you all for the cards, your messages of both support and encouragement and I would like to apologise for the lack of replies &, thank yous, I could say I have been busy, but that would simply not be the whole truth although to a degree I have been.

In all honesty for the most part, that has not really been the truth, since Christmas, I felt lost and numb, going through the motions, and a lack of motivation.

I think in part it was the dread of this month we now find ourselves in, and what it means, as some of you had previously read, the weeks from Christmas onwards until now last year where simply hell.

So I don't think it has been any surprise, (least of all to me) that the lead up to today has been looming on the horizon like a dark cloud, edging its way ever closer.

While I was always of course going to find myself reflecting on the days leading up to Sharon's hospitalisation, the horrible days, the painful days, those I am sure will dull with more time.

Having moments of reflection has not been all bad,  the last chats we had had, the meals I cooked for her  (she went on an omelette phase) and then believe it or not, the last thing Sharon insisted on the night before  she went into hospital was a Whites lemonade ice lolly, she lay in bed with it and wore more than she ate as it was melting and dropping off, she gave me 'that look' for finding it amusing ha ha

 
It is not like I am going out of my way to remember these things, they are flooding to the surface, in resounding waves.

Too many words not enough pictures,

 Crete 2015 pre op holiday

I was sure that Thursday 9th February would have broken me, as it was going to mark the day that I had no choice but to call the ambulance again, but this time, unbeknown to me, it would be the last.

But, do you know what? 
Surprisingly it did not, in part I know that Sharon stayed here at home with me for as long as we could really allow, this I know, I also know that there was nothing more that, I or the medical profession could do, other than to make her final days as pain free and as comfortable as possible surrounded by her loved ones. 

Please note, I write this a little selfishly as much for more own benefit as yours x x

But more often than not I find my mind (when I allow it to be) is pulled to happier times, for us we were fortunate in being so 'in tune', the only dark days were cancer related, there was no real no arguments, that does not mean one of us was more dominant that the other, but more of how truly in sync we were.

  You all have seen us together, that was no act, that was 24/7 - 365 so I have no end of pleasant memories of moments filled with more love that you could pack into a cheesy Hollywood or hallmark movie, and all the 'firsts' as we called them, new places we both visited, new places to eat, new experiences 'firsts'.

I am waffling again aren't I?

Anyway

We all remember Sharon for different reasons, for me at least,  it is for her eyes and the way her smile began inside of  them, the way she would look at me brings me comfort and always will.

We truly were genuinely lucky to have found each other.




Lunch time today I have arranged for a meal for the family, this way nobody needs to spend it alone should they not wish to be, this is at the same pub we had our post wedding/pre wedding reception meal at, it felt only fitting, although time will tell how I feel on the today.

Tears is just salt water, so I am sure it will add to the flavour of my dinner?

Yesterday I spent creating a video tribute of pictures and video footage that most of you have never seen, the backing song is one from 'Bon Jovi' that goes by the name of  'always' the reason will become obvious at a point in the video if you watch it, it is uploaded as an unlisted video on Youtube x

I have also booked the tomorrow off  work, I had contemplated booking the 9th & 10th off  but it has helped keep me focused on something other than my thoughts.

Take the time to hug each other, tell  your loved ones what they mean to you and remember, be like Shaz....use gratuitous amounts of glitter in all that you create.

WOYWW 662 - Not a desk, but a check in

Ok while I can still focus, I have wrote 2 blog posts, this one for today, and another for later in the week.

As you know I passed my motorcycle test at the back end of last year, I spent a few months researching  motorcycles, creating a list of must haves and nice to haves and driving miles to find some to look at and or sit on....

Then I would change my mind when I get there rinse and repeat ha ha

 I looked at different styles, Harley Davidson cruisers types, and the more practical tourer types that are more comfortable for longer distances, as you can see below, the practical side of me won ( I need my creature comforts) so...

So I introduce you all to my trusty steed, a 2009 BMW F700gs, this has all the safety features like ABS, traction control, comfort modes, touring screen and heated grips (a must with Raynaud's disease) to name a few of the included features that will assist in keeping me safe and comfortable while I ride.

I will be honest, this has helped me no end mentally, let me explain why...

I find myself completely drained and found myself wanting to just get out the house on more than one occasion, I would then feel guilty for the way I felt (mad I know), before I had the bike I found myself hating going out in the car, or more specifically going on long journeys, these were horrid as the seat next to me was empty, a constant reminder of how alone I felt. 

With the bike that is a none issue as it is completely different, so when it gets too much I can just jump on the bike and ride to clear my head as long as I am back in time for work, or its a weekend, I can be out for hours. This bike has also allowed me to attend more last rides which I find incredibly rewarding.

Lets just be clear here, one does not simply just jump on a bike, you get kitted up and this takes planning  (ATGAT all the gear all the time) I just want to be clear on that point.

 So to that end, my brothers have been helping me make the front of the house work as I have no garage or drive storing a bike, so the focus switched to the front of the house while the weather has allowed.

We 'had' planters and there will be a new one in due course to that end all of the previous  plants have been relocated on a temporary basis while the work is done.

Left picture -  after the bed and front wall is partially removed 

Centre picture - mistakes were made (not guilty this time) but my brother was not aware of the cable.
Right picture - 2 tonne of type one stone arrives and I needed to move it into the hole (do I look like I am built for manual labour?) anyway mission accomplished in under 2 hours.

Yeah, about the telephone and internet cables, eh, yeah, a thing happened, but not to worry, I fixed it ha ha, it will get a proper fix before it goes back underground with water proof connectors and a water proof gel filled box, I fully expect it to be damaged in the removal of the front wall and I will need to do another repair or replace the cable.

Yes, very much a work in progress...

Next weekend (weather permitting) the path leading up to the front door along with rest of the front wall will be ripped out and new walls built. 

The plan is to block path almost all the area with locking anchors concreated in at the front and rear wheel locations to secure the bike too, I will also run power for the trickle charger allowing room for a smaller smaller planter on the left as we look at the image, with a wider gate on the right.

So this bike means come the spring and summer I am up for visiting family and friends in person, but of course not without a heads up xx

I am going to keep this post short for me (not true, well kind of is, I cropped it so there is another to follow) 

As always do head over our Julia's at the stamping ground for the latest gossip and desk goodness.

And finally...

A year in review

 

A lot has changed over the last 12 months, I think it is fair to say that this year has not been our/my best “when two become one” it was never going to be really now was it!

My life this is hard to do, how the fk do you guys do this every year? anyway, this may prove to be beneficial to me.  

So then, things that I am grateful of, things I am proud off and things to look forward to in the 2022. 

So let’s start with grateful

My family & friends
You have all been my rock and I love you all dearly, losing Shaz was hard on all of us, and still is, she will always be a part of our lives, so thank you all for the check ins, the meals, the time and the chats.

Music
Music has always been a huge part in my life, both the live scene with concerts and the digital one, It is music that have kept me sane this year, a large home with just my own noise is kind of hard you know?
Being able to see bands this year despite covid, bands who’s members you can call friends has been important to just get me out the house, a reason to travel again; ‘The fallen State’, ‘Ashen Reach’, ‘Mallen’, & ‘State of Ember’.

While at the same time this year I discovered some new ones, as tends to be the case with live shows; ‘Mad haven’, ‘Ethryfield’, ‘ Raven breed’, ‘Haxen’ & ‘Dead man’s Whiskey’ you guys N’ gals rock!

Things I am proud off in 2021

Work
I am proud of my accomplishments at ‘Netcom Training’ to see my students flourish when they leave us is kind off hard to put into words, rewarding does not come close, to say it feeds my ego would be some what of an understatement.
So yes I am incredibly proud of my accomplishments at work.

Passing my motorcycle test.
This has been on my bucket list for about 30 years now, but as Shaz and I went everywhere together (work and play) and she refused point-blank to get on the back of a 2 wheeled motorcycle I could not justify the cost of the lessons etc as I would not buy a bike if it did not get used.

 So, this one, this one was for me! thank you RMT in helping me with this, this meant so very much to me x

Things to look forward to in 2022 

(This one I thought would be difficult, but it seems that is not the case at all)

Travelling

Come spring I plan on spending time on two wheels, visiting friends all over the UK and in time in Europe too, being able to travel further afield for concerts and attending more ‘last rides’.

Live music
This stands to reason, there are new albums being released, so new tours that will follow, and lest not forget festivals. 

On a side note, I have made bread and butter pudding using Sharon's recipe two times now and both times it came out perfect, oh and a few days ago trifle as was traditional every Christmas Shaz would make at least one.

It stands to reason I wish you all the very best of health for the coming year, do the things that make you happy, tell loved ones that they are indeed loved, and capture moments on video not just photographs, memories may fade  or indeed fail you, but pictures & video can last forever.
 (terms and conditions apply, you may lose data if you don't back them up, just saying)

WOYWW 648 - Check in time again

In a variation the wise words of our Julia..

         Its kinda all about me! 

And that is exactly what I have needed, so, since I last touched base with you all, a few things have happened, I kind off broke again for a bit, some touching things, and a personal goal realised. 

I have layers and walls like most, and sometimes, unintentionally, they come down.

Work has been a great distraction, but next to family, music has been what has been getting me through those dark moments, favourite us songs, are now reserved to when I can process them, these songs I let-in when I can handle them.

To add context,  a verse from my favourite song of all time.

Its too late to be there

When a life is lost, It brings you to your knees

And I need a moment, to gather my thoughts

About our loss

How Indescribable it seems to be.

This song is 'Nova' by the band 'The Fallen State', one of the songs played at Sharon's funeral service.

The all about me bit :) 

So, for those that have not been following on social media, or missed the last couple of posts, or forgot, its a thing I do it all the time, so I had been taking motorcycle lessons. 

Long story very sort, Shaz refused to go the back of a bike with 2 wheels, I had one for a couple of years before we got together and I felt it time to get a full licence, so, there was 4 things you needed to accomplish in order to gain a full license. 

CBT, Theory test, Module 1 & Module 2.

It was the dreaded Module 1 that I was hung up on as I kept putting my foot down, well I managed to pass that on the 29th of September with just one minor fault picked up, 1km/h below the required speed limit for the avoidance test.

Well Monday this week (01/11/2021) I had my module 2 and I only went and passed it first time, and yes I am immensely proud of myself for doing so too :) 

So a huge shout out to RMT motorcycle training in Redditch for their patience and training.

So back to the music, and the later bit.

The music scene like many others have been struggling over the last 2 years, so the first chance of supporting them and going back to concerts I was all for it, with the aforementioned band being top of the list, although a couple of concerts have been had before the one mentioned below.


Sunday night, the day before my mod 2 bike test, the band 'The fallen State' was playing about an hour away in Cannock, it was the last gig of the tour, I had bought tickets for the family to attend and attend most did, some had the dreaded lurgy (I still have man flu, I kinda forgot to mention that bit, I am still very much full of flu) but 6 of us poured in.

So 4 bands played that night, all for just a TENNER! with the fallen state headlining, 3 songs from the end and the band slows things down, being at the front i can see the set list, and know what song they are about to play next, I have a lump in my throat and dry mouth already.
Then Adam (the lead singer) dedicates the song to Shaz and another that is a local to Cannock, you see, ever since we first saw them as support we connected with the band and the music, so they too where close to us both. 

A thank you goes out to Rae Robinson for taking the video and for allowing me to use it.

With mobiles phones out with the torch's on we all song our hearts out, and me right at the front doing the same, but with tears streaming down my face.

You will see in the video my younger brother made his way to the front to pop an arm around me,
Love you bro, it only broke me a little I promise x 

With Halloween just gone, it would be rude not to share a picture of our Shaz at the Halloween crop from 2015

Head over to our  Julia's for the latest gossip and desk goodness over at the stamping ground 

And finally....