First off I want to thank you all for the cards, your messages of both support and encouragement and I would like to apologise for the lack of replies &, thank yous, I could say I have been busy, but that would simply not be the whole truth although to a degree I have been.
In all honesty for the most part, that has not really been the truth, since Christmas, I felt lost and numb, going through the motions, and a lack of motivation.
Having moments of reflection has not been all bad, the last chats we had had, the meals I cooked for her (she went on an omelette phase) and then believe it or not, the last thing Sharon insisted on the night before she went into hospital was a Whites lemonade ice lolly, she lay in bed with it and wore more than she ate as it was melting and dropping off, she gave me 'that look' for finding it amusing ha ha
It is not like I am going out of my way to remember these things, they are flooding to the surface, in resounding waves.
I was sure that Thursday 9th February would have broken me, as it was going to mark the day that I had no choice but to call the ambulance again, but this time, unbeknown to me, it would be the last.
Surprisingly it did not, in part I know that Sharon stayed here at home with me for as long as we could really allow, this I know, I also know that there was nothing more that, I or the medical profession could do, other than to make her final days as pain free and as comfortable as possible surrounded by her loved ones.
But more often than not I find my mind (when I allow it to be) is pulled to happier times, for us we were fortunate in being so 'in tune', the only dark days were cancer related, there was no real no arguments, that does not mean one of us was more dominant that the other, but more of how truly in sync we were.
I am waffling again aren't I?
We all remember Sharon for different reasons, for me at least, it is for her eyes and the way her smile began inside of them, the way she would look at me brings me comfort and always will.
We truly were genuinely lucky to have found each other.
Lunch time today I have arranged for a meal for the family, this way nobody needs to spend it alone should they not wish to be, this is at the same pub we had our post wedding/pre wedding reception meal at, it felt only fitting, although time will tell how I feel on the today.
I have also booked the tomorrow off work, I had contemplated booking the 9th & 10th off but it has helped keep me focused on something other than my thoughts.
11 comments:
There are no words... you chose some beautiful photographs for the video and the song says it all. Sending hugs. xx Helen
I can't believe it's been a year - I still look for her name on the blog lists and am sad when it's not there. It's so hard for you and the family Doug, I'm glad you've got people around you to comfort you.
With all our love,
Jan and Gordon xx
Morning Doug. I’m with you remembering the Good Times help enormously when having a day of grieving. Times may pass but Loving memories last forever. Family will be helping you through these next few days ans when you need them most. Shaz was such a gentle soul and left us way to soon, but she touch my heart and that is a great thing. Hugs Rita xxx
I agree with Jans comments, i still look for Shaz name on the woyww list and am so pleased you are surrounded by those that care. Love the video and brought back some happy memeories
Kyla (still have that cramps t shirt too!!) Xx
Hugs Doug. What can I say? There are no words. It is hard to believe it has been a year. I cannot believe she is gone. She truly was a beautiful lady inside and out. Hang on to those memories. Take care. Xxx
What a moving video tribute Doug. Shaz was a beautiful soul and the fact that you have so many treasured memories of her is a testament to that. Thinking of you x
Honest, but beautiful, heartfelt words Doug. You are an amazing man and had the love of an equally amazing lady - so sadly missed by so many lovely people. You have achieved lots during such a hard year for you all, so keep going with all those positive thoughts and wonderful memories. xx Jo
Thinking of you Doug. How good that you are brave enough to open your heart. It’s a beautiful post xxx
A beautiful video. Always remembered. Sending love and hugs.
What a beautiful tribute, Doug! I can't believe she's been gone a whole year. Sending you hugs.
Dear Doug,
Well, you’ve been daily in my prayers as always, and am late to for the date, this past year has certainly been torrid one for you,
I think as looked as this post and video … I looked at those eyes of Shaz’s and saw reflected in her beautiful eyes a number of things, her absolute assurance of being loved, her joy in this love, and her reciprocated love in return..
.. and her quirky cheeky reactions, Shaz was truly unique, she was incredibly generous and kind too, I’m so grateful to have met you both, I’m grateful too you made this tribute. Well loved. Well done.
And re your last post so glad you’ve finally your own bike to ride off and chill down on. That’s truly special.
I haven’t actually blogged at all this month and only just decided to check in … in the middle of my prayer time so better get back to it 😊
God bless dear Doug, and keep you safe, and all those you love, ❤️
Prayer hugs Shaz in Oz.x
{Wonderful Words of Life - Shaz in Oz}
{Calligraphy Cards - Shaz in Oz}
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