Follow up post

This actually started as a reply to a few comments on my last blog post and got too long ha ha 

I have found that I am fairly good at looking at situations objectively, and I find writing quite therapeutic, a way of making sense of what, how and why I am feeling. 

As some of you may remember, I have done this before on my own blog, which, I have neglected somewhat, as I have not gone back since Sharon's op.

So to address the question of grief counselling and if I need it?

I have gone past the blame stage, it really did not take that long if I am honest as there really wasn't any blame that could be portioned (I initially felt robbed of that), but then I have never been one to lash out, I am far too logical for that nonsense, as you only hurt those that have only your best interests at heart.

I do of course feel robbed of future time that 'WE' will never have, I would be lying if I said that this does not cut deep.

The way that I deal with them is by reflecting on all the times we had, and I find myself immensely proud of the time we had together, blessed at how magical our time was, just to be clear, I am not religious, so please do not take the term 'blessed' out of context, it is the only word that fits the bill, I am also proud of our collective and personal achievements during the many years we have shared.

I no longer feel saddened by the photos that pop up on the many connected devices; phone, PC and Amazon show, instead, I am reminded by the times from the images, don't get me wrong, I still have those pangs of longing to relive them, but, I know I have lived them once before, and this makes me smile.

I also have to apologize for missing the post about the crop, I am going to try and call in, it will be a massive diversion, so I will play it by ear, but know that I want to be there if only for a fleeting visit via a massive detour.

On the same day, my siblings and I are participating for the first time (a new-new) in the annual 'ride the wall' where bikers participate in an organized motorcycle ride to the national memorial arboretum.
I also have bought tickets that clash with that for a 2-day music festival in Wolverhampton at KK's steel mill, which begins at 1pm both days.

I am making plans for future concerts and festivals, and I feel I am making strides, 

Back to the question and the point of the post;

I am not sure as to what I will benefit from it, that is not me being a bloke, it is me being honest, I have searched all over the net on grief forums, and looked at how others have been coping and the advice given was at best vague, the takeaway from my searches Annie has summed up, and yes another visit is overdue x.

Grieving takes its time Doug so just go with the flow and do what you need to do to get through it....you will get there because you are strong

 This is precisely what I have been doing, my focus changes depending on what I need at the time, at this time of year I have so many holiday reminders from times past, so the need to get out and explore new scenery is still there, but, I am so not ready for a holiday yet.

Festivals strike the best balance, I am surrounded by bands whose music has helped me drown out the silence of a now empty house, and I am discovering many new bands and friends in the process.

With all of the above said, if I feel like things are beginning to get to me again, then yes, I will of course reach out x